Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
