and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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