hell yes lets make some ravioli
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
