Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
