I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
sarcasm needs its own font
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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