I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
