woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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