Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
