no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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