rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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