About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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