you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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