its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
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Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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