I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
