Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
