My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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