He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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