so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
