If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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