At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
