Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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