Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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