dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
