My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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