That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
