I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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