why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think I won the penis lottery.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
