I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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