So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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