omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it was like having sex with a tree stump
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So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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