Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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