I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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