I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
