Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
