saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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