there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
