The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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