dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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