I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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