Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
