i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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