Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm like, not good at living.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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