I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
