I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
