Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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