I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
