Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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