it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
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Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
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I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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