You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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