I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
