Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
