last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We named our party play list daddy issues
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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