Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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