wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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