All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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