I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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