I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
