Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
