we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
