Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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