What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
