it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
