Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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