Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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