you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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