We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize