where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
