I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need water and some morals
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
