He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
