in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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