I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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