I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize