so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
