can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
