He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
