PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
