i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
