What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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